The unfairness of life

About two months ago, I lost my grandmother (my father's mother) to cancer. It was extremely hard on all of us, especially since it happened so quick. She had been fairly fine that weekend, considering her condition, and then suddenly she was gone.


This morning I lost my grandmother (my mother's mother) to cancer. It is extremely hard on all of us. This was also quite sudden. We knew she might not make it through to the end of the year, but we weren't expecting it to happen so quick.


Please pray for me and my family as we go through funeral preparations this week. And pray that we have no more tragedies like this for a very, very long time. Losing two very important members of the family within two months of each other is hard on anybody.

What's been goin' on...

Yeah. I'm going to college. Not, like, real soon, but soon. In fact, I could probably be enrolled as soon as next January.

Where am I thinking of going? Savannah College of Art and Design. I'll probably be majoring in Sequential Art (comics and children's books) or Graphic Design (when I finally get my background working, you'll see why). There's a fairly new campus in Atlanta. They've got a great residence hall, great classrooms, great courses... Just great everything. I really really want to go.

To explain some of the awesomeness that is SCAD, they have at least one computer lab on each of five floors. Their classrooms are all open, separated by plastic partitions. Each classroom is equiped with, instead of desks, work tables, eisels, draft tables, and computers as fits the course. The faculty is extremely friendly. The academics required are minimal, due to the fact that it is in fact an art school. The residence hall is a ten minute walk from the main building. Classes are light. For at least the first quarter you take three classes a week. Each class is taken twice a week, approx. two and a half hours per day. No classes are held on Fridays. Winter break is from mid-November to early January. Students are required to go home for the holidays. Summer classes are optional, but not mandatory. They have several scholarship options, including some art scholarships based on a portfolio (which I'm still working on). Classes are small. Sometimes there will only be four students in a class. The floors are color-coded so you'll always know which floor you're on just by looking at the walls. The cafeteria looks more like a dance hall than a school cafeteria. Since the campus has only been around for about a year, they don't have very many students right now, which means you have a much better chance of the professors remembering your name. The entire school is carrer-oriented, which means they will teach you to use the skills you pick up in the career that you choose.

Yeah, I can't think of much else right now, but that's most of it. You can tell I'm excited about this school. I haven't yet decided when I'll be going, but this is my senior year, so it will be soon.

Somebody please let me know what you think...

Why the low self-esteem?

Why? Such a simple question with such a complicated answer. Bob asked why I had such low self-esteem. I gave an answer as best I could...

Me? Interesting? Well, if you say so. I suggest you get comfortable, this may take a while...

Oh, let's see... Low self-esteem... Well, being homeschooled my entire life, I haven't had a whole lot of social interaction. Up until about a year ago, the only guys I'd had any contact with were the guys at our church. There's no nice way of putting it: they're all jerks. They make fun of everything and everyone, just because. And since I don't exactly fit into the girls' group very well, I hung out with the guys for a while. That was before they decided they didn't want me.

So, that could be attributed to part of it. Another part of it could be that, since I am homeschooled, I spend a lot of time at home. Most of my time, to be exact. Younger siblings don't take that too well. They all treat me as their personal doormat.
But one can not put the blame on outside forces all the time. To tell you the truth, I'm just naturally sensitive, self-conscious, and shy. That tends to make one's self-esteem plummet. Also, though you may not know this, I also have OCD (even I didn't know until just recently). Apparently it's so bad that even I'm not perfect enough.

Two words: Overactive imagination.

Explanation: My mind works on a photographic level. It's what helps me plot my stories. It also tends to take my first impressions of someone and project a worst-possible-scenario. Often it also does that with someone that I know very well, and that's even worse.

I am an artist, a dancer, a writer, an actress, a fighter... I just don't always have enough confidence to show it. I am extremely sensitive, but I'm tough enough not to let anyone know. I hate the spotlight, but I can't stand being ignored. Sometimes I'd rather blend in and pass by unnoticed, but I'd rather be different than conform to everyone else. I know I'm strange, I know I'm not like anyone else. Maybe that's what gets me the most.

Yup. That's pretty much it, I think...

Bored yet AGAIN...

Well, as far as I can tell, I have three more FLs on the way, and two possible additions. I also have another one that I was working on, but I seem to keep forgetting it. And I don't really have anything else to say... Except that if Emily is reading this, you might want to check out this story I'm working on: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3014764/1/. You can check out my profile for some other stories too, but they're mostly all Smallville, which I don't know if you are interested in... There's some Fantastic Four in there, too, so, yeah... And let me know what you think...

New layout!

Yup, new layout... well, new banner, anyways... And I've finished a whole bunch of new fanlistings. Check them out to the right. I also have four more on the way, so... yeah... Nothin' much else happenin'...

Xanga and MySpace

As you will notice, I have some new fanfic posters to the right... I just did them the other day.

I've had Xanga for several months, I just never did anything with it 'til I started telling ppl I had one. You can visit it here: http://www.xanga.com/kenobi127

Don't worry, I'll still update this one... Also, I found that all of my drama group friends had abandoned their Xangas for MySpace, so I decided to try that as well. It is here: http://www.myspace.com/addicted_to_redk

Yes, I watch Smallville. So shut yer mouth and quit bugging me about it. I like the show, all right? And Clark's pretty hot too...

*cough* Did I just say that? Agh... I need sleep, I think... Well, I'll talk to ya'll later...

Boredom

I am so bored. I finished chapter 8, finally, but now I'm stuck on chapter 9. I'm out of ideas for wallpapers... I did some posters, finished another fanlisting, did some work on two more, am looking into a fifth one, but I just don't feel like it right now. Not really doing anything...