Forca's REAL blog...

The unfairness of life

2006-11-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

About two months ago, I lost my grandmother (my father's mother) to cancer. It was extremely hard on all of us, especially since it happened so quick. She had been fairly fine that weekend, considering her condition, and then suddenly she was gone.

This morning I lost my grandmother (my mother's mother) to cancer. It is extremely hard on all of us. This was also quite sudden. We knew she might not make it through to the end of the year, but we weren't expecting it to happen so quick.

Please pray for me and my family as we go through funeral preparations this week. And pray that we have no more tragedies like this for a very, very long time. Losing two very important members of the family within two months of each other is hard on anybody.

What's been goin' on...

2006-10-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I'm going to college. Not, like, real soon, but soon. In fact, I could probably be enrolled as soon as next January.

Where am I thinking of going? Savannah College of Art and Design. I'll probably be majoring in Sequential Art (comics and children's books) or Graphic Design (when I finally get my background working, you'll see why). There's a fairly new campus in Atlanta. They've got a great residence hall, great classrooms, great courses... Just great everything. I really really want to go.

To explain some of the awesomeness that is SCAD, they have at least one computer lab on each of five floors. Their classrooms are all open, separated by plastic partitions. Each classroom is equiped with, instead of desks, work tables, eisels, draft tables, and computers as fits the course. The faculty is extremely friendly. The academics required are minimal, due to the fact that it is in fact an art school. The residence hall is a ten minute walk from the main building. Classes are light. For at least the first quarter you take three classes a week. Each class is taken twice a week, approx. two and a half hours per day. No classes are held on Fridays. Winter break is from mid-November to early January. Students are required to go home for the holidays. Summer classes are optional, but not mandatory. They have several scholarship options, including some art scholarships based on a portfolio (which I'm still working on). Classes are small. Sometimes there will only be four students in a class. The floors are color-coded so you'll always know which floor you're on just by looking at the walls. The cafeteria looks more like a dance hall than a school cafeteria. Since the campus has only been around for about a year, they don't have very many students right now, which means you have a much better chance of the professors remembering your name. The entire school is carrer-oriented, which means they will teach you to use the skills you pick up in the career that you choose.

Yeah, I can't think of much else right now, but that's most of it. You can tell I'm excited about this school. I haven't yet decided when I'll be going, but this is my senior year, so it will be soon.

Somebody please let me know what you think...

Why the low self-esteem?

2006-08-31T14:42:00.000-05:00

Why? Such a simple question with such a complicated answer. Bob asked why I had such low self-esteem. I gave an answer as best I could...

Me? Interesting? Well, if you say so. I suggest you get comfortable, this may take a while...

Oh, let's see... Low self-esteem... Well, being homeschooled my entire life, I haven't had a whole lot of social interaction. Up until about a year ago, the only guys I'd had any contact with were the guys at our church. There's no nice way of putting it: they're all jerks. They make fun of everything and everyone, just because. And since I don't exactly fit into the girls' group very well, I hung out with the guys for a while. That was before they decided they didn't want me.

So, that could be attributed to part of it. Another part of it could be that, since I am homeschooled, I spend a lot of time at home. Most of my time, to be exact. Younger siblings don't take that too well. They all treat me as their personal doormat.
But one can not put the blame on outside forces all the time. To tell you the truth, I'm just naturally sensitive, self-conscious, and shy. That tends to make one's self-esteem plummet. Also, though you may not know this, I also have OCD (even I didn't know until just recently). Apparently it's so bad that even I'm not perfect enough.

Two words: Overactive imagination.

Explanation: My mind works on a photographic level. It's what helps me plot my stories. It also tends to take my first impressions of someone and project a worst-possible-scenario. Often it also does that with someone that I know very well, and that's even worse.

I am an artist, a dancer, a writer, an actress, a fighter... I just don't always have enough confidence to show it. I am extremely sensitive, but I'm tough enough not to let anyone know. I hate the spotlight, but I can't stand being ignored. Sometimes I'd rather blend in and pass by unnoticed, but I'd rather be different than conform to everyone else. I know I'm strange, I know I'm not like anyone else. Maybe that's what gets me the most.

Yup. That's pretty much it, I think...

Bored yet AGAIN...

2006-07-31T17:58:00.000-05:00

Well, as far as I can tell, I have three more FLs on the way, and two possible additions. I also have another one that I was working on, but I seem to keep forgetting it. And I don't really have anything else to say... Except that if Emily is reading this, you might want to check out this story I'm working on: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3014764/1/. You can check out my profile for some other stories too, but they're mostly all Smallville, which I don't know if you are interested in... There's some Fantastic Four in there, too, so, yeah... And let me know what you think...

New layout!

2006-07-28T19:01:00.000-05:00

Yup, new layout... well, new banner, anyways... And I've finished a whole bunch of new fanlistings. Check them out to the right. I also have four more on the way, so... yeah... Nothin' much else happenin'...

Xanga and MySpace

2006-05-12T19:03:00.000-05:00

As you will notice, I have some new fanfic posters to the right... I just did them the other day.

I've had Xanga for several months, I just never did anything with it 'til I started telling ppl I had one. You can visit it here: http://www.xanga.com/kenobi127

Don't worry, I'll still update this one... Also, I found that all of my drama group friends had abandoned their Xangas for MySpace, so I decided to try that as well. It is here: http://www.myspace.com/addicted_to_redk

Yes, I watch Smallville. So shut yer mouth and quit bugging me about it. I like the show, all right? And Clark's pretty hot too...

*cough* Did I just say that? Agh... I need sleep, I think... Well, I'll talk to ya'll later...

Boredom

2006-05-11T17:40:00.000-05:00

I am so bored. I finished chapter 8, finally, but now I'm stuck on chapter 9. I'm out of ideas for wallpapers... I did some posters, finished another fanlisting, did some work on two more, am looking into a fifth one, but I just don't feel like it right now. Not really doing anything...

MORE wallpapers...

2006-04-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm in the process of making two more wallpapers. That'll put me at 20 total, I think. And that's not counting the really bad ones that I refuse to post on my site. You can check them out at Red K Images (link to the right).

Goldilocks opens next weekend. I am a little nervous. This is the biggest part I've ever had! I have a really long monologue, which I keep forgetting the end to, and I get the spotlight for about two whole minutes! And we're doing it at the courthouse, so this is going to be really exciting! Except that Bob keeps trying to shoot me with his toy shotgun that he's using as a prop...

I really should be finishing up my polishing on chapter 6 of Despair's Edge, but I just don't feel like it. maybe finishing this Pete Ross wallpaper will put me in the mood. Well, ttyl!

P.S. I almost posted this on someone else blog! AGH! THAT was embarrassing...

Hating computers

2006-04-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, I was going to post last week or something like that, but the server must have crashed, because it wouldn't publish it. Therefore my post is lost. I don't even remember what it said, so I'll start a new one.

Ok, I just found it... Turns out it saved it as a draft... Anyways, there it is, right down there.

Red K Images is finished. I am still considering doing web forms instead of just posting my e-mail address, but I'll do that later. I have a grand total of... 7 wallpapers on there, and I'm considering putting one up as the bg on this blog. But it might not work well, with the green text, and I don't feel like doing a complete revamp right now. DE is going well. CH 7 is very nearly done. I've just got one last conversation to finish up, and then I can get started on chapter 8, Lois and Levitas. Yes, I have changed my mind and decided I'm going to bring Lois in. Just not at chapter 7, that's all. And I need a new title for chapter 7, 'cause I was going to call it Crater Lake, since I was going to have Clark throw himself in, but then I decided that was just too much, so now I need a new title, because Crater Lake is no longer in the story. So if anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

Ok, I'm bored again. Go check out my sites or something. What are you still reading this for? *sigh* I have absolutely nothing to do. I could work on Smallville's Unexplained, but I don't think I feel like it...

Bored stiff

2006-04-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

Yup, I've decided not to bring Lois in just yet. I need to wrap up some other sub-plots first. Yup. And my beta made me rewrite chapter 5, so yeah... I'm actually talking to her right now, on IM.

So, I'm bored. Making a wallpaper to put on my Red K Images site. I've already got five wallpapers up there. This one is going to be similar to my previous "Bad Boy" wallpapers, but a little different.

Yeah, and I don't know why I'm still talking. Go check out Red K Images. It's finished now. I think...

Wow. I have nothing to say. I saw Never Been Kissed last night at a sleepover. We planned on watching more movies, but instead we just talked until 1 a.m. Then we had to get up at 9 for church. Except that I was up at 8, because the sun was up at 7, and I have a hard time sleeping with the sun up.

Anyway, I'm going to stop before I fall asleep trying to find something to say...

All new!

2006-04-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

I have redone the banners at the side there. I still think the top banner may be missing something... Think maybe it needs a shot of Kal in it? Meh... I'm too lazy right now to do it over, even though it only took me like two minutes to make. Don't tell anyone, but I cheated. I took some previously made wallpapers and threw them together. But it looks nice, doesn't it?

I should go eat lunch, but... Well, I'm not feeling the best today. I am hungry, though.

Oh, Emily, if you're reading this, I am so sorry I haven't spoken to you in so long. Hopefully I can make it up to you!

Oh, chapter 7 is almost finished. I just have to decide whether or not to bring Lois into the story so early. I don't like her. I like Lana better. *shrugs* Oh, well... I'll figure something out, eventually. And when I do, I'll move on to chapter 8. And then I'll most likely get stuck again. It's a never-ending cycle...

Early Morning Wake-up Call

2006-04-21T07:21:00.000-05:00

Wow, that last post sounded awful whiny. Am I actually that bad? *cough* Anyway, I'm up. yes, I get up with the sun every morning. Ok, maybe not with the sun, but I set my alarm for 6:42 every morning. You don't want to know why, really. I am strange, that should be a good enough answer for ya.

I'm not currently doing school right now, but I will have to a little later. I'm thinking of changing some stuff around here, maybe a new color scheme? Nah, what it really needs is a banner, that's what it needs. I'll have to whip one up sometime. But what should I put on it? A little of everything perhaps? *should get some pics of Edward Scissorhands* I need to change those banner things on the side sometime, too...

Meh, I'll get around to it. Right now, I am quite busy writing. Yes, I have found that writing can be quite enjoyable, if you're writing about something interesting. My life is not interesting, so this isn't quite enjoyable. But it's something to do. You see, I'm stuck on chapter 7, so I know that if I stop typing here, I'll just go to my room by default and pick up that pencil. And THEN I'll get frustrated because I'm stuck, and I don't want to get frustrated. So I'm still here.

Yes, I'm STILL here. Not much else to say. I'm doing a play, called Goldilocks on Trial, and it's lots of fun.

Oh, Dad's up. He'll probably want the comp before he goes to work. I'll post more later, probably. And I'll get to work on those banners. 'Til then, check out my fanlisting! It's listed at your right, the one with the picture of the guy in shades. The other two sites listed there next to it are not yet operational, so you can look, but there'd probably be no point. Some of the links don't work, and the pages aren't complete. Sorry about that, but it's a work in progress... And now I'm off, probably to go try and finish chapter 7 of Despair's Edge. Oh well...

What now?

2006-03-20T21:56:00.000-05:00

I am so bored, so I decided to post here. Not that anyone will see it, but yeah... lesse... I went through all the F4 fics on FF.net... I don't feel like going through the SV fics... There's nothing interesting in the Spider-man category... Any of the other categories I'd be interested in are much too large for me to be browsing right now... Ah, I'll just poke around a while longer... maybe get inspired enough to write a quick one-shot in three minutes? Not likely... Nope, bed time anyway... Ah, what the Kessel... *throws something* I hate school, btw. I really don't want to do it tomorrow, but I have to. And now I'm just rambling to waste time so I won't have to go to bed. But dad will get mad if I take too long, so. Yeah. Not like anyone will see this ever, but see ya.

Yes, I know...

2006-01-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

...Once again, I've taken a long time to post again... But with the holidays and such... Well, anyway, I added verification to the comments on both my blogs, as I have been receiving a bit of spam... Sorry if this is inconvenient, but it must be done...

The end of the Football season

2005-10-26T14:39:00.000-05:00

Aiya! I haven't been here in so long! Well, my brother had football practice every night during the season. Thank goodness the football season is over! I should now be able to get on much more often! To my dear Master, GrandMaster, and anyone else who was looking for me, I AM NOT DEAD! Thank you....

New look

2005-05-30T20:16:00.000-05:00

My first post in Matrixy green! I changed the colors to match the new tagboard at the bottom! Well, gotta go! Hope you like the new layout!

What I did today...

2005-04-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

If you look, you will see that I changed the template. That's because of the link banners that I made. I had originally made them to fit my previous template, but found that they were too big... either that, or the sidebar was too small... well, they fit real nicely, don't they? I'm particularly proud of them! I made them myself! More links will fill the space below them when I have more time...

Names... again...

2005-04-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

Problem solved! My very last name nearly became Rostu... thank goodness it wasn't! OK, so here's my full and complete final name for RPing:
Forca Siladan Peredhil Amarthien Neniel McDerson Kenobi Muln

There... now you know!

Random names... or not...

2005-04-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

Didn't know what else to talk about, so I thought I'd post it here... Forca's full name is Forca Siladan Peredhil Amarthien Neniel McDerson Kenobi whateverherhusbandslastnameis... Master, if you have any ideas, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell me!

To my Master...

2005-03-29T16:37:00.000-05:00

My dear Master, I had no idea... I mean, the font thingy spelled it "Aurabesh"... but if you insist, I will start changing it...

If the HTML codes look a little wierd right now, that's because I'm still working with them... these codes don't quite work the way the IF codes did... might be proboards though.

I have a story... Today, at the store, I saw an EIII TCG Starter Kit, and I wanted to buy it! Of course, the store is having some big SW thing this weekend, and that's when the EIII stuff is coming out. They wouldn't sell it to me. Apparently the stockers didn't check the dates on the TCG game and put it out early. Oh well... I guess I'll just have to go back Friday night or something...

Easter Sunday today...

2005-03-27T17:25:00.000-05:00

Yup, I'm posting on Easter Sunday... that's because there's not much happening around here... Well, just thought I'd check in. If anyone could drop me a note, I'd like to know how good Livejournal is... 'cause I might use it, I might not... I need to know first...

And I use a lot of dots... As you can see... I like dots... very much... they're cool... these dots... OK, I need to cut it out, don't I?

For lack of anything better to say...

2005-03-26T17:44:00.000-05:00

Today was rather boring... I wrote some more of Forca's Journal - handwritten, of course. I don't get a whole lot of time for writing on the computer, so a lot of my stuff is handwritten first. Including the sequel to Forca's journal, which is being written in Aurabesh. I'm afraid that I forgot to write the first one in Aurabesh...

If you are wondering why I don't have a picture on my profile, it's because I haven't gotten one small enough yet. But don't expect it to be a REAL picture! I don't think my parents would appreciate that much...

Well, I'm getting tired of rambling, so this will have to do... until I get used to posting on this blog thing!

Here I am

2005-03-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

Well, this is my real blog... the one people are going to have actual access to... not like my journal blog for my RP character... Drop me a line, will ya?